Patterns

When I was young, it would take me a while to understand whatever new math I was learning in school. Not because I wasn’t adept but because the memorization of formulas just didn’t make any sense to me. At that time my memory was great, and recall high (cant say the same now). Memorization didn’t work because I wanted to understand the relationship between the numbers in the formula. This would help me to know when to use it. I was always looking for the pattern to be able to connect “the why something yields what it yields”.

The pattern needed to click for me.

I am still like this. My brain looks for patterns and programs in all things. Our brains respond with patterns and programs in all things. I have noticed so many of my readings have become more about the patterns I see in people, their origins and the way to either step past their limits or to let them reach a full potential. While so many readings and sessions with an intuitive are about telling you what is, I like to tell you why it might be so and what you can do to create in a new way if you desire to do so. Of course I tell people the energetic currents of what might come and what insight is coming through but most of us are coming to reading to shift something, or at least to confirm something.

This is also how I see my own life and make changes within.

This morning I had a memory, or a stream of similar memories (a pattern) all around when I was a teen. I remember that if I was at an event that work labor was being done, like painting a house for example, I was often perceived as very girly and like I wouldn’t be much help( I regularly volunteered at things in the summer with youth groups). I was a lanky, make up done, outfit picked out girl, so I could see how this might have been perceived from a stereotypical perspective. I was so lanky I also didnt look particularly hardy and strong. But for some reason, I believed in my ability to do things and felt a need to make it known. I would pick up the 5 gallon buckets of paint and just grip with my long skinny fingers with all my might or pick a harder task than I wanted to make sure those assumptions were met with a retraction and praise from those who delivered them.

This showed up in other areas as well. Once, when I was with a group of friends walking in the woods while on vacation in Colorado we approached an area where we had to go over or under a rope (trespassing? I dont remember) and a young man looks at me and lifts the rope with the earnestness of a young man hoping chivalry communicates his blossoming feelings towards me. I look at him and take a big step back and then leap over the rope. Poor kid, he is probably in therapy somewhere looking at the moment he started to feel his actions were misunderstood by women in his life.

I didn’t misunderstand him. I had it deeply woven within me to appear strong, and capable. I think many women do now, to overcome a history of oppression. I do not regret knowing my capabilities but I recognize this pattern spreads to many areas of my life. I often choose paths with challenges in them.

Everyone does but if I look at some of my adult choices, I do wonder if there were easier paths. I took the strenuous route to know my own strength and to prove my value. It’s like I wanted the universe to know I could do hard things, so I would rise to the occasion. But really this is a pattern, and one that has served me because its one of my own souls choosing but it also contains limits.

You see it is a reaction, and doesn’t allow me to fully receive or to actually be empowered and choose paths of ease or joy. It’s like I had hard wired myself to choose paths with more pain to show what is possible. But its odd it never occurred to me to ask for the task that suited me best like a paint bucket I could carry, or that the offerings of others weren’t ways of claiming me or belittle my innate strength, they were perhaps, offerings of reverence for a magic I did not fully see.

I would not change the path I have taken because the challenges I have chosen have in fact yielded a great strength within me and they were unique to me. But I am curious about the other version of me. I have over time softened much of this but what more lies ahead?

What is a more spacious pattern that allows for new experiences? One were I utilize my strength and abilities for tasks I love to do, for things that bring more ease and joy. Choosing challenges that really light me up and feel exciting not just because I can.

Now I know not all of us have the same pattern but I share this to help you reflect on something in particular.

How did the world react to you when you were young, what narratives and stories did that create and more importantly how did you respond, what pattern did that create within you?

Now look at this from a lens not of shame or resentment but of curiosity. These moments were by your souls design and have served you in someways but ask yourself does it still serve you now? Would there be a more spacious pattern? Is there something you would like to receive that lives beyond the walls of your current pattern?

One easy way to sidestep a pattern is to put your self in an entirely novel environment. Do something different in a place you have never been, you cant fall back on the patterns you must find a new way.

The more reactive and automatic our thoughts the more tightly woven the weave of a pattern is, this is why as the mind degrades with age, people repeat themselves. The more spacious and aware we are the easier it is to be in a novel state of mind, to not merely play the program one more time.

Programing is a part of the human experience and makes us unique but its also part of the souls experience to transcend and master the programming for our highest good and greatest liberation. More often then not, we feel like we are making new choices but they are designed to feel emotionally compelling and only when we repeat something enough do we notice how familiar it seems. Don’t worry, not everything needs to be picked apart, but it can help when your really stuck. Life has its own flow and is constantly trying to help us evolve, this is why certain things become more obvious over time.

What patterns are you shifting? Are you entirely aware they are there?

In the beauty of the patterns,

Avery