Standing in Between

There is an odd space between who we once were and who we are becoming.

We often imagine transitions that will come in to our lives and change everything all at once. But many times we are standing in the space in between.

We are in the formless winter of our own lives. A silent long night with snow covered grounds within us. Quiet and majestic but often a little disconcerting.

I have been working on diving even deeper in my inner world and practicing a deeper stillness. As I separate from the old drama and narratives, I find a spaciousness that an old part of me would like to fill. Because so often we swing from passion to fear, to excitement to disappointment, to whatever other intensity our mind creates. Our modern world is filled with ways to feel intensely and oddly become so numb to our real feelings.

But as you step back and observe and watch the ramblings of the mind, you can disconnect from them being your truth and come in to stillness. But in that stillness there can be such a potency, an inertia of potential life. A life beyond what the mere responses of your past would create.

So many of us create our desires, based on reactions to discomfort and the things that seem to alleviate that suffering. These aren’t our souls longings and often it is hard to even feel what that is amongst all the noise of our mind. We have cultural conditioning thrown in there as well. So as we learn to stop attaching to every story about ourselves, every intense thought pattern, through meditation and mindfullness, we step in to a new current. And new desires come about. They are callings more than desires.

Desire and longing is often related to a lack feeling, but in the present it’s more inspired and like a magnet to what pulls you forward. It is a current you get in. Not a wall to climb.

We love the climb. The adventure in life can be fulfilling but it only works if something is always bigger on the horizon then where you are. Now we do experience life as an unfolding but the striving can exhaust us.

So when I gave up the commitment to striving, and committed to seeing how present I could be a few weeks ago, I was surprised by, of course the challenge of it, but also how foreign the space felt. At its purest, it feels beautifully potent, but when it lingers in between it can feel a little empty and leaves me desiring something more interesting to do.

I have helped people navigate such intensity in life, and aided in scenarios of health crisis and honestly was conditioned by my family to have a slight emergency response to most things in my mind. Its how much of the world operates.

Stepping back from that has created an odd carelessness. I suppose carefree would be a better term. It’s odd how different those terms are perceived. Perhaps in how you view the situation. Of course it is not without an open heart.

But in our human bodies it can take time for our nervous system to recover and adjust to stillness. Ease isn’t always easy to a mind trained to look for problems. Trust in the ultimate resolution of those problems an even bigger challenge. “You mean I can step back from control?”

In truth, I have been doing this for years but there is always a deeper layer. And my desire for it has never been as high. Im exhausted with my own plotting planning of life.

But in its absence, what else is there? I am in the in between. Because I think eventually my mind gets quieter and deep inspiration comes again. For now it is subtle nudges balanced with the pull to the human drama. Of which I must refuse time and time again.

Of course there is no judgement if you give in to it, or if you live life for a dramatic story line. Just make sure its one you want.

The storyline I want is one that is deeply surrendered to the spiritual energies in all things and seeks that out at all times. It also is a creator, lead by heart felt inspiration and aided by the hand of the divine.

What is yours? And are you in the awkward moment stillness before creation?

Just remember inspiration will come.